Please note that the following tips are intended to be read along-side another post entitled: “Come Fly the Friendly Skies.”
(1) PRO-TIP: Full size USB hard drives look like bombs. Or at least they do to the vast majority of TSA screeners. Also note, don’t ever actually use the word “bomb” to jokingly describe said device. Explain slowly that it’s a USB hard drive and you need it for work. It’s likely that you’ll have to repeat yourself numerous times. It’s also likely that you’ll have to pull out your laptop, start it, connect the drive and demonstrate that it’s not a bomb. Again, it would be a mistake to proclaim at this point, “I told you it wasn’t a bomb!”
(2) PRO-TIP: It is usually true that at airports across the country when a airline counter attendant is presented with a frequent flier card they immediately go on the defensive. The assumption is that you want something from them and have an inflated sense of entitlement. I encourage you to be very nice to these people. That airline owns you for the duration of your flight—nothing good can come of poking a sleeping bear. Or as I call her, Lorraine.
(3) PRO-TIP: Buy a bottle of water before you go on a cross country or international flight. If you’re a soda drinker buy a bottle of water and a soda. Long distance air travel dehydrates you and the experience is significantly more enjoyable if you have your own beverage available when you really want it and not on the flight attendant’s schedule.
(3a) FIRST CLASS PRO-TIP: If you’re flying first class ignore the above tip. You’re going to be rolling in free booze and snacks all flight. Look down your nose at the people in coach and laugh silently to yourself knowing that when you want a drink the flight attendant will bring you a drink. You’re flying like royalty. This is how people are supposed to fly. Welcome to ‘the show.’
(4) PRO-TIP: You may be one of those people who hate it when the Frequent Flier Elite Members are called ahead of the rest of the passengers to board the plane. The logic behind it is that folks who are traveling for business carry more stuff and spend more money per year on flights. The airlines show their appreciation for customer loyalty by letting those passengers board first. I’ve heard numerous disgruntled families on vacation in route to Disney World complain that I got to board the plane before them. I have little sympathy for people traveling for vacation having to wait a few extra minutes when I am going home after being on the road for three weeks straight working. Perhaps I’d be more sympathetic if they were related to Mickey himself.
(5) PRO-TIP: Check out the “Vomit Comit” – and trust me when I say that this is not something you want to experience on a commercial airliner.
(6) PRO-TIP: Please refer to pro-tip number one and notice that I did not use the word bomb while describing “Dive Bombers” except in describing the type of plane. I also didn’t mention what it was that these air-craft dropped from their BOMBay doors. Bomb. Bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb. Bomb.
(7) PRO-TIP: Bloody mary doesn’t come out of a wool suit. You can try but you’ve been warned.
~Zacory Boatright, Director of Business Development